That's Not Punny!!!

[jitami]

One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Minnesota were
listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer Say,
"We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your
car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get
through."

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer
said, "We are expecting 10 to12 inches of snow today. You must park your
car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so The snowplows can get
through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they are
again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting
12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power
went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she
said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need
to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married
to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in
the garage this time."

[kurtnagel]

A man entered a bar and was surprised to see a little girl sitting at the end of the bar with a fist full of dollar bills. He asked her what she was doing and she replied "Betting". He asked her what she was betting and she replied "I bet I can pee higher on the wall than you". Of course the man was incredulous and thought this would be an easy way to pay for his bar bill. So he said "Okay, I will take that bet and I will even let you go first"

The little girl hops of the stool lifts her skirt and proceed to let fly, of course barely hitting the wall. The man laughed and un-zipped ready for an easy win and just as he was lifting for better aim, the little girl wagged her finger and said "Uh Uh Uh, no hands!"

[kurtnagel]

What do gay deer do on their day off?















They go down to the Elks club and blow a few bucks...

[KITKAT]

A bear went into a bar and ordered a beer.

"We don't serve bears here!" said the Bartender.

"Oh yeah?" said the bear, "If you don't give me a beer, I will eat that woman over there!"

"Sorry, but we still don't serve bears here." insisted the bartender.

So the bear went to the other end of the bar and mauled and ate the woman.

Police sirens instantly sounded. The police arrived and handcuffed the bear and told him he was under arrest.

"What's the charge?" asked the bear.

"Drugs." stated the officer.

"Drugs?" asked the bear incredulously.

"Yeah. You know that woman you ate?" queried the officer.

"Yeah" said the bear.

"Well, that was the Bar Bitch You Ate." finished the officer.

KIT

[Charlet_2007]

Special Christmas Carols...

Schizophrenia - Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are

Dementia - I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas

Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Offices and Towns
and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...

Paranoid - Santa Claus Is Coming to Get Me

Borderline Personality - Thoughts of Roasting On an Open Fire

Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

Obsessive Compulsive - Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...

[ssssnakeluvr]

how do you tell a snowman from a snowwoman?????


















snowballs

[Charlet_2007]

Rough Raffle Reward...

Several days before Halloween, Tom, Dic and Harry were sitting in a bar enjoying a few quiet drinks,
when they decided to get in on the Christmas raffle.

Since the raffle was for charity, they bought five tickets each.

When the raffle was drawn a few days later, they each won a prize.

Tom won the first prize - a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce.

Dic was the winner of the second prize - a six month supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti.

And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.

The next time they met at the bar, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.

"Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."

"Me too," replied Dic.

"And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"

"Not so good," Harry groaned, "I reckon I'll go back to toilet paper."

[ssssnakeluvr]

an old priest, a young priest, and a student studying to become a priest were going to the train station to go to Pittsburg. as they approached the ticket counter the student, wanting to show off, approaches the counter. a beautiful blond woman is working at the counter. she is bent over getting something from under the counter when the student approaches. she is wearing a low cut shirt on and no bra....the student can see right down her shirt!! he clears his throat and the girl stands up and asks if she can help him.
We'd like 3 pickets to Tittsburg and we'd like the change in nickels and dimes
the girl is shocked!!!! the young priest,who happened to also see down her shirt came up. he told the girl
We'd like 3 tickets to Pittsburg and we'd like the change in nipples and dimes
she is shocked again!!!
the old priest comes up, after also seeing what the other 2 saw, and scolds the 2. he then turns to the woman and says,
Ma'am, we would like 3 tickets to Pittsburg and we'd like the change in nickels and dimes. also, young lady, if you don't stop exposing yourself like this, St Finger is going to come down and shake his peter at you!

[brain]

st finger is going to come down and shake his peter at you!

rotflmo :d:d:d

[drache]

this went around for a while, but it's something that actually happened
the mother of a friend of mine was in that car

Four elderly ladies are travelling along the freeway in Marin County when they get stopped by a CHP (California Highway Patrol)
"Ma'am, do you know how fast you were going?"
"uh no, officer. I guess too fast, sorry. Now I suppose you want us to buy tickets to the policeman's ball"
"Ma'am, in Marin county the police don't have balls. May I please see your license and . . . "
the ladies in the car are starting to come apart from trying not to laugh
CHP turns red, gets back into CHP cruiser and drives off