That's Not Punny!!!

[Charlet_2007]

Energy Drinking...

A couple of drinking buddies, who were airplane mechanics, were in the hanger in Los Angeles.

It was fogged in and they had nothing to do. One said to the other, "Man, have you got anything to drink?"

"Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel and that'll kinda give you a buzz."

So, Bill and Bob drank jet fuel, get smashed and had a great time. The following morning, Bill woke up and figured his head would probably start pounding as soon as he stood up.

But it didn't. He felt good. In fact, he felt great - no hangover! Bill's phone rang, it was Bob. Bob asked, "Hey, how do you feel?"

"I feel great!" replied Bill.

"I feel great too! You don't have a hangover?" "No. That jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover. We ought to do this more often!"

"Yeah, we could, but there's just one thing..."

"What's that?"

"Did you fart yet?"

"What?"

"Did you fart yet?"

"No..."

"Well, don't, because I'm in New York!"

[Charlet_2007]

WHY BOYS NEED PARENTS

This is for those mothers of boys, sisters of boys, and boys that have grown older. Or anyone else who needs a laugh…

1.) A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2! .) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin ! , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Hope you enjoyed!!!

[Charlet_2007]

Action Faction...

Martin Scorscese is interviewing three action heros for his new movie, they are Arnold Schwarzenneger, Bruce Willis and Sly Stallone. Pitching his movie he says, "This is gonna be an action flick with a twist...all three leads will be famous musical composers."

After some thought all three stars agree it's a new concept for an action flick and decide to get involved. In turn, Scorscese asks each star who they would like to play.

Bruce Willis pipes up first with "I've always wanted to play Mozart..."

"Great, great!", enthuses Scorscese, "What about you, Sly?"

Stallone thinks awhile and then says,"I've always liked Burt Baccarach's music, I'll be him."

"Wonderful, wonderful, Sly", says Scorscese and, turning to Schwarzenneger he says "And how about you, Arnie?"

Arnold thinks for a while and after some eye rolling and tutting turns to Scorscese and says.... "I'll be Bach."

[drache]

that's . . . . still laughing . . .

[Snake lover 3-25]

Rofl!!!!!:d

[brain]

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...ooohhhh

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started...ooohhhh

[Charlet_2007]

This One's for you Dekay Brown lol..

Silly Computer Acronyms...

PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN: It Still Does Nothing

APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI: System Can't See It

DOS: Defective Operating System

BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM: I Blame Microsoft

DEC: Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM: Consumer Device - Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW: World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

AMIGA: A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP: Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses

MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

RISC: Reduced Into Silly Code

[adamanteus]

CD-ROM: Consumer Device - Rendered Obsolete in Months

I like this one, so true of many things these days.

[Stefan-A]

DOS: Defective Operating System

CD-ROM: Consumer Device - Rendered Obsolete in Months

Now those two aren't really fair. The DOS most commonly used was pretty non-defective and it took a decade to render CD-ROM obsolete. Nothing compared to floppy disks, though, they've been with us since 1984.

[adamanteus]

Now those two aren't really fair.

It's not meant to be fair Stefan, it's meant to be fun!